The Metamorphosis: day five (45-58)

After Gregor's death, the family travels out to the countryside to get away from the stress and chaos that lies within their apartnment. Warm sunshine fills their car, which connotes a significant contrast from the restrictive image of the Samsa's small apartment. In addition, the family discovers that they have more money than they initially believed, and that all of their worrying for most of the novel was for nothing! Selfishly, the family implies that it was, of course, Gregor who kept them from a nicer home and living condition. Thus, the family concludes that now with Gregor deceased and removed from their lives forever, they now have better and aspiring things to look forward to. This feeling of relief affirms that the family obtains a sense of hope for the future. The last scene of the novel is an image of Grete stretching. I believe Kafka symbolizes this act as Grete's own metamorphosis: emerging after a long period of confinement, as if from a cocoon.

My Conrad Essay...

For this specific essay, I should pay attention to MLA format. I really want to continue splitting up the work next year in college. It is really helpful when Dr. Forman assigns a specific paragraph due a specific day so the class isn't stressed out the night before the essay is due! I have been using the colon in my titles this entire year, and this is another technique I want to continue in college. Throughout the writing process for this essay, my favorite part was fully investing myself in Frerud's theories on man and man's behavior. Philosophy is something that ive always been attracted to, so it was really awesome to explore that in class!

The Metamorphosis: day four (35-45)

During this part of the novel, the family begins to perceive Gregor's humanity in a different light. For example, Grete leaves milk for Gregor, remembering that milk was his favorite drink as a human. Thus, Grete assumes that although Gregor has now transformed into a bug, a little part of him remains the same. However, Grete soon realizes that Gregor does not like normal food anymore. He crawls on the walls, lounges underneath the sofa, and eats like an insect. In addition, Gregor's father does not regard Gregor as a human anymore. After his father comes home, he misunderstands his wife's screaming for Gregor attacking his wife. His father's immediate impulse is to find Gregor and beat him like a pest. However, Gregor suffers from an internal conflict. There are moments when he feels human. For example, Gregor feels relieved that his family did not spend all of the money he saved for them, but feels ashamed that he cannot financially provide for them anymore. He still feels a part of the family and yearns for them to need him again. Moreover, he covers a sentimental photograph of a woman with fur so his sister and mother won't remove it with the rest of the furniture. Gregor's humanity is fully exposed when he hovers over this prized possession. 

The Metamorphosis: day three (25-35)

Gregor's parents showed a great deal of appreciation when Gregor first started earning his salary to support the family, and Gregor felt proud to do so. However, as soon as his parents adapted to their new lifestyle of Gregor supporting the family, the parents' gratitude gradually diminished and he no longer felt the same feeling of joy in providing for them. Now, as a bug, he spends much of his time under the sofa, listening to his family converse their financial situation. Fortunately, Gregor discovers that his parents have saved some of the money he earned for them. However, he knows that that money will only last for so much time. He is ashamed when he hears his family speak of their economic issues and feels hopeless because of his father's lack of physical stability and his mother's asthma. He realizes it is very unlikely that his parents will find employment. Although Gregor and his parents have drifted apart from one another, he manages to stay close to his sister, Grete. Sadly, he had hoped and planned to pay for her to attend a music school to study the violin. 

The Metamorphosis: day two (15-25)

Money is a clear motif in the novel; it plays a major role in the Samsa family. After Gregor discovers his abrupt and traumatic transformation, he immediately worries about losing his job, one that he is not too fond of. The only reason Gregor continues to work for his boss is so he can pay off his parents' debt. Gregor is the only person in the family who works, which is bizarre and frustrating for Gregor since their debts truly affect the well-being of his family. Unfortunately, Gregor is left with the burden of being utterly responsible for paying these debts. In addition, the office manager proclaims that the chief suspects Gregor of stealing from the company, while Gregor's mother entreats the office manager, telling him what a loyal and hardworking employee Gregor is. 

Socratic Discussion HOD

I really enjoyed observing Blake, Robert, Matthew, Steven, and Tyler discuss Heart of Darkness and the essence of civilization. Although it was difficult not to participate, it was interesting to hear what they all had to say. Blake and Matthew were definitely the group leaders, but like Dr. Forman said in class, it's quality over quantity. So, although Tyler did not speak often, his ideas were well thought out and substantial. I think the majority of the group agreed that one is born good and it is civilization that deteriorates our natural good. Moreover, the group acknowledged that one must have some sort of rules or else one would live in a world with the utmost chaos. Tyler brought up a good point relating it to our lives today: imagine displacing Taft students to attend Buckley. Since we attend a private, college-prep school, we strictly follow the rules and The Buckley Commitment. Since Taft is a public school and has an extraordinary amount of students, it is more difficult to enforce rules. Another concept the group brought to my attention was whether it is unintentional or malicious, everyone judges. Judging can also be used as a mechanism to fit in! Thus, although Freud claims that one should not restrain one's instinct, it should depend on the circumstance. For example, if one has the instinct to kill, does that make it ok? Clearly, no. I'm so glad we got to explore Socratic method again this semester!

The Metamorphosis: day one (5-15)

Once Gregor first discovers that he has transformed into a giant insect, he does not appear to be troubled or concerned in any way. He regards this transformation as any normal disturbance to his sleep. Moreover, he continues to his proclaim his largely ordinary concerns: losing his job, sleeping comfortably, his family's economic situation. This maintains the novel's ridiculous tone, at least so far in the story. 

HOD: conclusion

Joseph Conrad's message from Heart of Darkness and Sigmund Freud's ideology is extraordinarily relevant to one's life. Through Conrad's lesson and Freud's wisdom, one can truly better him or herself as an individual. These teachings help one understand oneself in the real world; thus, if one is brave enough, one can embrace their id. Every being simultaneously obtains the wide range for both the authentic good and the unadulterated evil. Conrad affirms that one's dreams are truly revealing; for they disclose what the individual truly seeks. In addition, one's own criticisms similarly reveal his or her own, for it is what one chooses to project to others that reflect their own weaknesses and even flaws. Thus, experiences define the identity of an individual, proving that one is most in touch with him or herself through their own dreams. 

HOD: second body

More to come... very rough draft... 

Conrad intentionally symbolizes the wilderness of the jungle as a definite illusion for Marlow to truly find himself. Moreover, Conrad portrays Kurtz' soul, throughout Marlow's journey in Africa, as a reoccurring motif because it is the only way for Marlow to obtain his deepest self-awareness. Freud claims that symbols will reappear only if they are significant and that the unconscious mind converts, or disguises, impalpable, shameless mental contents: "I turned to the wilderness really… And for a moment it seemed to me as if I also was burred in a vast grave full on unspeakable secrets. I felt an intolerable weight oppressing my breast, the smell of the damp earth, the unseen presence of victorious corruption, the darkness of an impenetrable night" (Conrad 55). Although confronting Kurtz's spirit initially serves as Marlow's punishment, this realization leads him to apply it to himself; Marlow recognizes that Kurtz's malice indeed mirrors his own potential malice. In addition, Heart of Darkness is Marlow's own interpretation of his dreams; it is an image of reality. The mind is a strict representation of the real world, and Freud believes that there is nothing one does that is accidental or occurs by chance. To some degree, behavior, intuition, and contemplation is motivated by your unconscious, and through dreams, one is given the chance to capture a glimpse into one's id.

HOD essay: title & first body

"Being entirely honest with oneself is a good exercise" Freud teaches to embrace our id rather than to reject it. But the deniable question remains: are we brave enough?

A dream: the pure and profound essence of an alluring fantasy. Cinderella's "A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes" perfectly reflects Marlow's obsession with Kurtz and the symbolism that reoccurs throughout his unconscious mind. Kurtz is the most explicit representation of Marlow's Id. However, the audience realizes only at the end of the text that his blazing attraction to Kurtz results from Marlow indirectly peeking into his own soul. Marlow exemplifies his devotion to Kurtz: "it was ordered I should never betray him--it was written I should be loyal to the nightmare of my choice" (267). Although Marlow reveals his Id as a nightmare of his choosing, he does not entirely expose his extreme desires. His wishes are never directly disclosed because that would be too confronting, and the truth is too frightening to bear. In addition to learning the monstrosity of inner evil, Marlow understands the loneliness and silence each individual possesses because no person will ever suffer, endure, or enjoy the same exact way another being does. Marlow articulates this emotion en route to Kurtz: "No, it is impossible, it is impossible to convey the life-sensation of any epoch of one’s existence – that which makes truth, its meaning – its subtle and penetrating essence.  It is impossible.  We live as we dream – alone…” (107). Conrad's simile compares life to a dream; thus, while dreaming, one often embarks into a world of folly that can be felt by the dreamer, alone. Therefore, both life and dreams connote solitude. Furthermore, isolation concludes many of the characters' lives towards the end of the novel. However, according to Freudism, perhaps the characters were always alone; Marlow did not only begin to feel detached from the world once Kurtz died. One can never fully relate to another being; therefore, one will everlastingly live a disconnected, deserted life.

HOD essay: intro

Joseph Conrad's Heart of Darkness is solely a description of Marlow's quest to encounter and learn from Kurtz. Marlow's intense infatuation with Kurtz progresses as Kurtz resolves many of Marlow's internal obstacles. However, it is impossible for Marlow to explicitly illustrate his experience on his journey, because his memories are merely images and feelings from within. Moreover, Marlow refrains from fully exposing himself and his emotions because vulnerability if terrifying. Philosopher Sigmund Freud explains that one's deepest wishes, within one's dreams, cannot be entirely revealed because the wishes of one's id connote unethical, violent, and sexual desires. In addition, critic Frederick R. Karl affirms that the world is comprised of absurdity and irrationality which in essence provokes the unconscious mind and elusive dreams. Throughout the novel, Marlow thoroughly absorbs all that he can from Kurtz, because although Kurtz's qualities disturb and frighten him, these qualities are hidden within himself and his illusions.